Over the next few days mothers around the world will be affirmed, thanked, and focused on in ways that they absolutely deserve…You made us.  If there was anything that trumps everything on the resume of life, it is that.  You make human beings, and that’s freekin awesome!

For most of us, our mothers are the reason we exist.

For many, our mothers have been the ones who have walked alongside of us emotionally and physically since the day we entered the world.  You have changed us, spanked us, spent tireless nights crying over us in the worst of seasons, while standing proud and celebrating us in our best.

We owe most everything to them, including our own good looks!

But then there is another group of mothers who need not be forgotten this weekend.

They are mothers who did not aid in the creation process of their baby boy or sweet little girl, they have not always walked along side their kids.  These mothers haven’t been around for some of the most monumental of millstones in their son or daughter’s life, and frankly their kids look nothing like them.

This weekend may we remember, celebrate, and affirm the foster and adoptive mother.

Though you may not posses baby pictures, or remember their first word, there are some things that far outweigh the natural; It’s the supernatural, and we celebrate you for stepping into it.

1)  You’ve Adopted Like God

The apostle Paul brings it like no other in the first chapter of a letter he writes to the people of Ephesus.  He throws down adoption theology that continues to convict and compel.  Author Mike Breen sums that theology best, “Jesus left His family, to create a new family, so that those who don’t have family, could be embraced by one”. God longs to adopt us in as brothers and sisters (co-heirs) of Jesus, and as sons and daughters of His, the King of Kings and Creator. Foster and adoptive mothers, you have stepped into the framework of God’s story like most never do.  Thank you for extending the family boundaries to create a new one. You give the world the most vivid picture of the mercy, grace, sacrifice, and character of God, which offers adoption and a new family identity to both you and I.  We’ve been adopted!  That is supernatural, and you get it and have responded to it in a potent and powerful way.

2) You Have Stepped In Like Christ- (Where one could not, another has).

(This is not always the case), but in many foster/adoptive scenarios, children have been neglected, hurt, or abused because their birth parent or parent(s) could not keep them safe.  You stepped in, and whether it is in this life, or another day when the kingdom has come in full and there is no more pain or tears, there will be a birth mom saying “thank you” at the least, and at best a  Savior saying “well done”.  You have stepped in when one could not, and on many days (let’s just be honest), you will pay some type of price in a way you don’t necessarily deserve.  This is stepping into a supernatural and substitutional sacrifice, and it often sounds and looks much like Jesus.

3) You Have Surrendered Your Future, For The Future Of Others

When many of these mothers said yes to adoption/fostering a child, they said yes to much more.  Of course they said yes to future moments with a new kid that would feel so right and redemptive, but they also said yes to therapy appointments, endless hours of dealing with systems, agencies, and governments.  They said yes to impairments and disorders.  Many of them yes said to a whole new level of human pain.  And as they say yes to all of the above, they inevitably said no to many of their own future plans.  In many cases these mothers have given up fragments of their future, so that another might have one. This is the gospel; that Jesus would end His life on earth, so that we might have one in heaven.

And so with a gratitude that cannot be expressed appropriately through a computer screen, I say Thank you, Thank you, Thank you.

In your exhaustion, you give us a glimpse of eternity.

As you wade through dysfunction, you help us discover the divine.

And as you sacrifice comfort, you point us to our Creator.  The one who has adopted us, chosen us, stepped in on our behalf, and has given us a future.

Thanks for lifting His name high and leading us into Worship.

Happy Mother’s Day

The dead being raised is one thing.

The dead being raised and walking out of a tomb naked gives readers a different picture!  

The sunday school teacher who retells the redemptive story of Lazarus returning from the dead, or the story of our Savior rolling back the stone, leaves this tid bid out as children listen intently. Yet nakedness is the scene when we start talking about the dead coming to life in the scripture.

This very naked piece of our religious resurection stories are never told, but this is how bodies were preserved.  No one put Jesus in a 3-piece suite before they wrapped him in linen.  The body was naked, meaning that once linens unraveled, we are dealing with naked dead people becoming naked alive people. Whether it’s because we don’t want to take the focus off of the miracle of resurection, or because we are not comfortable thinking about men like Laszarus or Jesus walking around nude, this seems to be looked over in the retelling of our christian holiday festivities and the pictures that represent them.

But how powerful to suggest that once God’s resurection power renews and revitalizes the most decayed, stench-saoked of corpses, they show up naked again, just like the Genesis 1 account where Adam and Eve walked naked with their creator in the cool of the day.

Remember that book.  The book of origins.  That was how things began, before sin and brokeness entered our story and the garden, the communion, and the naked innocence was lost.  No shame, no guilt, no fig leaves, no clothing to make us feel better looking, more mainstream, or wealthy.  We were just naked in the beginning when things were the way they were meant to be.

I can’t help but wonder whether we miss one of the most important lessons of what a life that has died with Christ and is now raised with Christ really looks like….

There should be no shame before others.  

We are able to live with complete vulnerability because of what Christ has done, because our new lives are found and grounded on the cross and sacrifice of God’s only Son, and not who we are, what we can or can’t  do, or how we look.  We are now able to live shame free, without masks, bearing complete brokeness, revealing all awkwardness, and displaying imperfections for the world to see.

This is how the world sees that God’s love is based on the central ingredient of grace  and not earned by our best attempts at behavior modification.

I’m not saying you take your clothes off today if you follow Jesus.  But I am asking the following question:

“Can we gauge whether we are truly living in the shameless power of the resurrected Son of God by how vulnerable, honest, and naked we are with others?”

Don’t leave the nakedness out of the redemptive and eternal story of Easter…It’s an incredible reminder of how we were made, and how we are meant to live, once redeemed by the one whose clothes were stripped for our sake.

There is a distinct difference between shame and guilt. 

Our guilt has to do with the things that we’ve done that we were never created to do.  It’s the Genesis 3 story, (where we bought into Satan’s lie that we were not enough and began doing the things we shouldn’t have done).

Shame on the other hand has to do with the people we’ve become.

There is guilt, and there is shame. One speaks to our action, the other speaks of our soul.  Jesus came to carry and kill both.

For many parents, we raise our children with affirmation, encouragement, and a love that hit us like a truck the day they entered our world.  Many of us and many of our children were lucky enough to grow up in a framing narrative which says that we/they were created with intent, welcomed with love, and raised with the best of efforts.  Even among the discipline, the groundings, the timeouts, the spankings, and taking a way the teenager’s car, there is still a framing narrative that communicates to a kid that they’ve been disciplined because of what they’re guilty of doing, but they’re still loved for who they are. The framing narrative says, “My guilt does not define who I am.  My guilt is overcome by love’s grace.”

This is different for a child who has gone through trauma (a hurt child).  At some point the lies of Genesis 3 seep into the soul of these young ones.  Their guilt does not only speak to their action, it speaks to who they are.  They don’t lie, they are liers.  They don’t steal, they are theives.  They are not victims of abuse and neglect, they are objects unworthy of respect and care.  Their framing narrative is Genesis 3.  They have been robbed of the Genesis 1 beginning where we were told, “you are my most prized possession and I sing over you”.

If you have found yourself in a season where you are parenting or leading a hurt child, my speculation is that we cannot speak solely to their guilt.  Due to their past trauma they do not carry an underlying assumption that they are loved, worthy of respect and full of dignity (especially when they are guilty of doing something).

Their behavior has been attached to their being, and because of it we must always dig deeper and speak to their shame.  

We must make even the smallest disciplinary moments about more than just behavior or guilt.  We must reinforce a Genesis 1 framing story.  Yes, lying is not ok in my family and this must be communicated, but I must begin with their worth, their value, their love, and their security in my steadfast love.

When it comes to the hurt child a resilient focus on their guilt is nothing more than the full on extension of the law.  Speaking to their being points to the presence and power of the gospel. 

Remember, Jesus did not just come to die for our guilt, He came also to carry and kill our shame.

We must never forget that before Genesis 3, there was Genesis 1.

We are His most prized possesion.  We were lovely, because He loved us.  This posture must be found at the most primal level of parenting the hurt child.  May we make this paradigm shift as we parent, knowing that it is the same shift that our heavenly Father has made for us.

This summer our family will take off to New York City to begin the process of planting a network of churches.

Here is the bad news about New York.

Though Amanda and I have only been traveling back and forth to New York City for the last year, it doesn’t take a rocket scientist or an ivy-league anthropologist to pick up on some strong cultural cues.  First, there are minimal children.  Our family looks like a freak show as we walk down the streets of Soho, and in-between the daunting sky-scrapers downtown.  Second, there is a paradoxical and perplexing problem as you experience the close separation that New Yorkers share:  Somehow you are an inch away from people at all times, yet separated and isolated from those same people like in no other city.

New York seems to be a global sea of citizens whom all know and accept that they are easily replaceable, often experiencing a loneliness and isolation in their attempts to become something of worth.

Here is the good news (Gospel):  We only have one thing to give the city, and it’s not our competence, competitiveness, creativity, or cutting-edge church planting philosophies…New York already has all of this.  We are able to give New York City our family…and everything that comes along with it; its dysfunction, its mesiness, the meltdowns and boogers. We can give them our bad jokes, dance parties, and wrestling matches.  And let’s just be honest, many won’t know what to do with it.  Some will be annoyed and do everything in their power to keep their distance like we are the plague.

But you can’t help but wonder whether or not our family and family in general might be the gospel that a city like New York waits for.

It is in the family that you experience an unconditional acceptance and a confidence boosting belonging that people struggle to find in the city.  It’s the family that often becomes the context for experiencing grace and mercy.  In fact, whether you look at the Old Testament or New, it seems that God has always been in the business of redeeming and renewing the family; One brought together by His blood for the sake of all others who have strayed away from the family they were formed for.

Mike Breen says that Jesus left His Family, to make a new family, so that those who don’t have family could receive one.

I like this theology.  I like it because family is what we can give, and so family is what we go to establish.  We go to make and mold an extended family that experiences the love of the Father together in a way that shows a lonely world that they don’t have to acheive to be acknoweldged and perform to be loved.  Our family goes to show people that there is a place for them as sons and daughters of a Father who formed them for his family and was willing to sacrifice His own to adopt them into it.

May we be people who give what we can, even if it’s just our family.  It may not be a lot, but it may just be the gospel people are waiting for.

Dan and Amanda Sadlier’s Story from Kensington on Vimeo.

To partner with and support our family as we head to New York visit

http://gracecovenantnyc.org/your-support/

To the foster/adoptive parent:

If you’re like me you have already screwed up today.  You screamed when you should have spoken, you stayed quiet when you should have taken a stand, you felt enraged instead of feeling empathy, and set your child up for failure instead of creating a safe place for them to flourish.  Failure will happen daily, if not hourly, and when it does here are three things we must remember.

1) It’s still better

I know this is going to sound trite and even a bit harsh, but unless you deserve to go to jail or have your child taken away for today’s parenting failure …. your children are still better off.  In the thick of your failures, the safety and love you are attempting to provide is better than what most have experienced in their past, otherwise they most likely would not be with you.  Your worst parenting day is most likely far better than some of their best days of the past.  When you fail and are unable to do what the latest books have taught or forget about your most recent therapy appointment and its action steps, please remember that our flawed love it is still safer and more beneficial than where many have come from.

2) You can’t control their fear, but we can manage ours

I have written about this before, but there are only two emotions that drive us; fear and love.  Your hurt children function in fear, and as they do, we must make sure we don’t do the same.  When we fail, often what begins to surface in us is a fear that our failures will catch up with us, with our adopted/foster children, and may even catch up with and impact any biological kids in the equation as well.  Our motivation and decision for fostering and adopting was rooted in love, but with our failure comes the tendency to be afraid of the implications of that failure.  Today when we fail, remember you may never be able to control your hurt child, but we can control whether or not we are afraid. When failure comes and you begin to doubt, run to the love of the Father that is waiting for you even in the thick of your shame and guilt.  It is here that we will once again be filled with the Love of Christ that drives out and extinguishes all fear.  We may not be able to defeat the fears that fill our children, but as children of the Father who drives out all fear, we can got to Him and extinguish our own.

3) Failure creates space for grace

We forget that it takes incredibly competent and confident parents to apologize to immature and illogical children.  It is a special thing for a child to hear “I’m sorry” from the adult, and chances our your foster or adopted child hadn’t heard that in their previous scenario.  Not only do our apologies show vulnerability, but they allow our kids to see that we are not calling them to our parenting perfection but to a perfect father that continues to forgive us…even in our parenting failures.  How refreshing that we can be wrong and still confident in the love that our Father has for us.  Our failures today point right past our parenting flaws to the Perfect Father that forgives, and our confidence in His love for us and our children.

I’m sure I’ll screw up again sometime this afternoon.  The cup we carry as adoptive/foster parents is not easy….but it is redemptive.

Praying for perseverance so that we might all see hope defeat despair, compassion cover pain, and redemption reign supreme.

There is an intricate relationship between the way we love and the object(s) we worship.

In the current culture there is an insane amount of idols recruiting the wealth, the worship, and the dedication of people by the droves.  Here are just a few and how they effect the way we can truly love others:

Money:  Those who worship money will increasingly define themselves in terms of it and increasingly treat other people as creditors, debtors, partners, or customers rather than human beings.

Sex:  Those who worship sex define themselves in terms of it (their preferences, their practices, and their past histories) and increasingly treat other people as sexual objects, forgetting that they are first and formost spiritual ones.

Power/Influence: Those who worship power define themselves in terms of it and treat other people as collaborators, competitors, or pawns.

Achievement: Those who worship the need to succeed define themsleves by it and see others as those who are better than them, worse than them, or replaceable tools who can help them climb the next rung of the ladder during specific seasons.

If this intricate relationship between our chosen object of worship and our ability to deeply care for others is actually valid, then Jesus brings the gospel (or good news) once again.  Jesus give his life away for our sake.  He exhausts Himself to bring us redemption and renewal.  If we fix our eyes on Him as Creator and Savior I wonder if our level of love and depth of care for people could be renewed as well.

If we point our gaze toward the creator who gave His life for us, it seems that we may start looking to others as His creation, His most prized possessions  and people worthy of His love and life.  I must assume it is at this point that we begin to extend a new kind of compassion and self-sacrificing love as we give our lives away for their full redemption.

If you are finding it hard to love others in life…start here.  May we make sure we are looking at the right King; the way we love may depend on it.

**much of this article and its main idea comes from NT Wright (Suprised By Hope)

Until people become priority over our production, the world will continue to wonder about the saving, sanctifying, and uniting love and work of Jesus.

If you are anything like me, there have been many days in the world of vocational or volunteer ministry where I have failed to support someone in a time of need (whether they were sick, lonely, in transition, crisis, or in a moment of celebration) because of what I was busy producing.

Whether a ministry event, an evangelistic outreach, serving project, or church program; I regularly buy into the myth that what I’m producing will be compelling to the point of conversion for those outside the church.  And it is with some type of righteous, rationalizing spirit that I then conclude, “it’s ok to not be present for those I work along side of as friends in the faith, for the sake of those who don’t know Jesus yet and whom may because of what I can produce”.

I have started to see through personal failure that this is one of the most illogical stances one can take with their time.

First, outside of a few different areas in the US, it is fair to assume that great music, coffee, and relevant messages/sermons are not foreign at a church gathering (this doesn’t mean they are not effective, it just means people are not surprised when they walk into a church program and see this.  (They have either been a part of one of these communities or have at least heard of them).  All this to say, church productions can and always will be incredibly useful, but we should not assume that this is the way the majority of people outside the church will have a kairos (heaven breaking in-life transforming) moment.

Instead we must go back to the scripture that states clearly- John 13:35: Love one another as I have loved you, by this everyone will know that you are my disciples.

What this means is that even though our production might be necessary for the conversion of others,  it will never gaurantee it.  However, in some way Jesus confidently assures us that His name will be lifted highest and His love will reach deepest when people outside the church see us love one another with the depth of love, grace, and mercy we have only experienced from God.

Could it be true that our biggest testimony to the world is not wrapped in something that we can produce, but found in the consistency, faithfulness, and potency of our love?

May we be people that produce (we were made to make things that move the human heart), but may that production never take priority over carrying the burdens of others, celebrating milestones, and simply being there for friends in the faith.

I have to remind myself, it’s not solely about them….It’s a about the world waiting to see a a sacrifical, committed, and covenant love bewteen people who can then point to their Creator as the source of something so different.

To Delight: To have a high degree of gratification : joy; also : extreme satisfaction.   

Throughout the story of God you can quickly make a case that an underlying tone of the Christian life should be delight.  From a God who creates and delights in His creation, to a savior who speaks about extravagant banquets, elaborate celebrations, and exquisite festivals…delight is central to the divine life.

Yet delight is one of the first things to go as you bring hurt children into the home.  I’ve watched both parents around the area (as well as myself) quickly slide into the most frustrating of seasons, feeling awful that we feel awful instead of feeling the honor, beauty, and redemption we think we should feel when fostering/adopting.

So to a ton of parents out there navigating the ferocious waters of foster care and adoption, here are three areas to be cautious of:

1) My delight does not depend on my success

There are too many days that my ability to delight depends on whether or not I execute the proper parenting principles at the perfect time.  Reality is that I blow it daily.  From delivering the wrong consequence to carrying a belittling tone as I talk to one of them in a fog of exhaustion…I fail consistently.  Parents of hurting children know what I’m talking about when I say that parenting these kids feels like a game of chess.  We must be tactful and tempered, strategic and steady, knowing in the end that a ton of what works and what doesn’t work doesn’t always make sense.

As long as I expect perfection from myself I struggle to find joy in any of it.

2) My delight does not depend on their behavior

Other days I wake up and feel the urgent need to make my kid all better.  There is this deep sense that the longer they struggle through the healing process, the more they and others around them will be hurt.  I need to fix them, and when someone pees their pants again, lies, or disobeys, I feel more and more out of control, speculating what kind of future damage might be done to them or others they interact with.  The reality however is that the healing process for the hurting child is a life-long struggle.

If my joy and gratification hinges on immediate healing, I’m headed for a dead-end.

3) My delight does not depend on their reciprocated love

The core issue of the hurting child usually revolves around attachment disorder.  Most hurt children whether 2 months or 20 years struggle with some level of this.  One of the main symptoms of a child struggling with attachment is the inability to reciprocate feelings, empathy, and even something as central as love.  This is where foster/adoption gets sticky. I’m not God.  The gospel sets itself apart by loving unconditionally.  I still can’t do this, at least not well.  I expect respect, I expect gratitude, and I expect love from those I have sacrificed for, and when that doesn’t come you can feel the joy and delight depart quickly.

At some point every day I have to ask the question once again.  What can I delight in that will not disappoint?

My success doesn’t seem to stand, their behavior doesn’t seem to get good enough quick enough (which just reinforces my inability to succeed), and I can’t control whether or not the child that I chose (I forget they did not choose me) loves me back.

There is no way to live a life of delight if these areas become the source of it…  But then there is Jesus.  

The one who made you and loves you.  He loved you before you brought in any hurt children. Adoption and Fostering did not get you any closer to Him, His cross alone did that.  He loves you beyond your bad behavior (which has most likely been exposed like never before since parenting hurt children).  And on the days I do not honor him for His sacrificial love, on the days I forget what He has done, and on the days that I dismiss His constant care and presence…. He remains steadfast.

I can delight in Him.  Any other source simply will not do.

May we fix our eyes on Him;

Not on our parenting….but His

Not on our love….but on His

Not on anyone else’s’ behavior…. but His and how He endured the cross so that we might be adopted into His family.

Delight in that.

Dirty Foreheads, Fish Fridays, and something about Palms…

Unfortunately that is what much of the western world knows about Lent, and was my own experience and recollection of the religious holiday as well. (As much as my parents tried, I was a stubborn butt-head).

Lent is a season set aside by faith-filled followers to commemorate Jesus’ 40 days of fasting in the desert prior to Him launching into His ministry.  It’s a time for us in this day to prepare our hearts, ensuring we have a posture of reception as we move into the remembrance and celebration of Jesus’ resurrection (marked by Easter Sunday).

Yet if we stop short, settle for less, or run with the religous norm of our day, we will quickly lose sight of the special season that begins to unfold before us today. The following are 3 things that we must focus on to truly experience the richness of the Lenten celebration.

1) Refusing Auto Pilot

Thousands of people will stand before a priest today, allow him to wipe ashes on their forhead and never question the historical context and meaning behind it.  In addition, thousands more will give up something (sweets, soda, swearing…) because that is what the Western Christian culture says we should do.  My struggle seems to be with the reality that the human race is smart; we have figured out how to send men to space, dive to the depths of the ocean, and speak to someone thousands of miles away on the drop of a dime.  We are also incredibly skeptic.  We question our government, we question people’s character, we even question our own sexuality.  Yet when it comes to matters of faith, our intelligence and even our skepticism stops, settling for less as we coast on some crazy cultural auto pilot.

Please don’t settle today.  Standing in-line for some guy to wipe ashes on your forehead is not only a waste of time, but also weird if you don’t dig into the rich and redemptive meaning behind it (which let me assure you that it is there). Don’t coast on auto pilot engaging in rituals that remain meaningless, but instead dig into the deep meaning of Ash Wednesday and the Lent season.  My assumption is that your annual rituals will begin to carry a whole new weight and meaning that begins to transform who you are as a person as you begin to learn about these religious practices.

Fasting From Something For Something

One of the rituals of the Lenten season is to mirror Jesus (who fasted from food for 40 days) by giving something up or refraining from something of the norm.  This is great, but again context leads to clarity.  Jesus was refraining from food to make space for the voice and presence of His father prior to the highest-stakes ministry and mission the world has ever known.  He knew it would be needed more than ever.  Anything Jesus did for His Father was propelled by what the Father had already been doing in Jesus. He fasted from something for something.  When you refrain from something this season, ensure it gives you space in your head and heart to hear what the Lord longs to do in you.  This is not only a season to remember what has been, but a season to prepare us for what will be (and all of our future doing must come from what the Father is presently doing in us).

This Is Not Safe

Go ahead and read Mathew 4.  The 40 days of preparation that we are trying to engage (in the same way that Jesus did) was not some easy, go without diet coke, religous routine.  It was 40 days of prepration for the most redemptive mission we would ever know.  It only made sense that the very identity, confidence, and call of Jesus would be challenged by Satan among the sands of the desert.  Please understand that if we really engage this season as a way to prepare for the celebration of the cross (which commemorates the beginning of the church’s misison of redemption and renewal as we join our resurrected Savior), you will not only go through caffeein withdrawl or miss episodes of your favorite TV show, you will also be targeted (mostly in subtle ways)  by the one who still fears the faithfulness of Jesus and His resurrection. This season could and maybe even should be the season where evil tempts you the most, luring you away from full knowledge and acceptance of the Cross by infusing you with the doubt of who God is, whether or not He cares, and whether or not He has the power to redeem and renew you.

May you feel the weight of this season that promises to prepare us to celebrate a death that brings life as we are launched into a new season of redemptive ministry, joining Jesus who has gone before us.

**My reading/resources for the Lenten season

1) Lent For Everyone (Youversion Bible reading plan from NT wright)

2) Suprised by Hope (NT Wright)

3) Wondrous Encounters Devotional (Richard Rohr)

Over the past few weeks I have had multiple people ask me to post on fostering and adopting for the Father (as if I have some type of expertise).  Before you read on let me be clear that I’m too tired to ensure my 3 year-old wears his shoes on the right feet, at some point every afternoon I verbally, outwardly, and publicly surrender, and believe my 5 year-old is wearing the same pair of pants for the fifth straight day.

With warnings being laid out for the world to see, here are 3 things the foster/adoptive father must force himself to lean into daily.

1) Fight Fear and Lavish Love

My friend and mentor says there are only 2 emotions; fear and love.  They are intricately and inversely related.  Foster or adoptive children live out of fear, they are afraid that at the drop of a dime they will be picked up and put out of the home they are currently in.  It does not matter how old they are or how long they have been there, fear is often the primary emotion that is shaping everything and anything about these children.  As fathers who invite this into our home, our natural response is to respond with fear as well; being afraid we can’t fix them and that others will suffer in the process.  This is why I would naturally recommend something that will help us form a supernatural response: God.  God says He is love, and thus far I believe Him.  No matter how many moments we want to respond in fear, fathers must ferociously pursue the presence of God…the presence of love. This is how we change.  This is how He changes us.  We are the ones responsible for lavishing love on those who have been formed by fear.  Only time in the presence of the supernatural will allow this to happen.

2) Your Kid Is Not A Car

There is no quick fix for a child who has gone through trauma.  Unfortunately that’s not how the male mind maneuvers.  We want to fix things fast like our latest transmission trouble on the family ride.  Yet like the same resilient and committed pursuit of our Father in Heaven has towards us, we must know this is a life-long pursuit, where we communicate over and over again that our kid is safe and loved, safe and loved, safe and loved… and regardless of how many times they break down, manipulate, or refuse our love, we must posses a steadfastness that can only be found in the scriptures; one that stays put for the long-haul (because that is what God has done for us).

3) Reject The Spirit of Rejection

I have found that there is another intricate relationship between rejection and adoption. The more we understand an adoptive kind of love that says “I don’t care who you are or what you have been through, you are mine and I want you”, the less we feel and live in a state of rejection.  The more we experience rejection, the harder it is to believe in and experience an unconditional adoptive love.  In addition, I have found that families who adopt have pissed off principalities and powers that have been at work against these kid’s lives (sometimes since before they were even born), and the only way for this evil to maintain control over these kids is to fill them with the fear of rejection.  Not only them, but often you will start to see a theme thread its way throughout the family where many of the people, (even those that were not adopted) begin to feel rejection as well. All of a sudden there are wives that feel like they are failing and biological sons that don’t feel wanted.  I don’t think this is by accident.  I think this is strategy.  The father, especially one who is walking in faith must see this and fight against the spirit of rejection that begins to reign in their home.  A constant focus on and experience of God’s grace, God’s acceptance, and God’s Covenant through Christ must shape his discipline, his verbiage, and his family rhythms.

For the fathers out there, hold on to these three.  Most days (if not all) you will fail just like me, and in those days please begin again knowing that God loves you, remembering that He is patient with you, and understanding that whether or not you parent well will never be the criteria for the audacious and out-of-control covenant love that Jesus has for you.

With you in the journey-

Dan